If Mary and Joseph Came to My House

He knows when you've been naughty, he knows when you've been nice... your job, therefore, is just be nice! That's most likely the extent of what is expected from you at Christmastime. That's as much as you've got to do to earn your presents, right? Just don't be a dick - for a month at least! I'm pretty sure 'earning your presents' doesn't also include writing and performing your own Christmas play. Santa's not that much of a lovey, is he? How has he even got time to sit and enjoy a play? The answer - he doesn't! No, he definitely doesn't expect you to do that! Well, he bloody did in our household! A house of 4 kids, very similar in age - so much so it felt like we were quadruplets at times. Don't get me wrong, I really loved the challenge of doing the play, a project set up by the management of the house, The brief being we had a month to put together a Christmas play and re-tell Mary and Joseph's story to the adults of the family. Music thrown in would be a lovely bonus. The odd dance would get you extra claps from Nanny and Grandad (Omi & Opi). Ha - I'm making it sound like we grew up in the Malory Towers of Shoeburyness. Not at all! It was a Swiss house though, and with it came Swiss traditions. Although, I think this particular tradition may have been unique to just our house - not even the Swiss are that mental!

I loved it though! We'd go all Joan Littlewood for a month, holding rehearsals in different bedrooms - “right, tonight's rehearsal is gonna take place in my room. I'll see you there at 6!" - says one bossy sister. The other sister demanding to know "why do we have to rehearse in your room? Why not mine?!" "Cos yours is the size of a shoebox, and I called it first, so shut up and be there at 6 - and make sure you've learnt your lines, loser!"

The learnt lines consisting of gibberish such as "oh my God, we totally need a place to crash. She's like totally pregnant (Joseph pointing to Mary's pillow belly), so like, have you got somewhere we can sleep, or what?"

Innkeeper #1: "Er, no! It's like our busiest season, you'll have to try matey down the road."- Repeat X2.

I wrote a little ditty to go with this scene; one of the first songs I ever wrote. It was in the style of Fiddler On The Roof. I remember it to this day, and every now and then drunkenly play it to Dave.

Costumes were a bit lame - the standard tea towel on our heads held in place by one of Dad's freshly washed table tennis sweat bands. That was Joseph's costume; the innkeepers too. The Kings had tinsel for crowns which, and we'd all fight to play the part of Mary who got to wear a dress. A beautiful blue velvet number, much like something Elsa from Frozen would wear. I actually don't think I ever played Mary, you know. Something I've never quite got over. I may have to continue this tradition with our own grandkids now - but I may have to play the bossy sister again and demand I fulfil my role as Mary!

"Come on Bea, come on Flo - get ready to learn your lines."

"Can I be Mary, Nanny?"

"No!!! Nanny is Mary. For once in my life I'm playing Mary. Nanny is Mary!" 😂

As we became older, my sisters grew out of doing the Christmas play. It's not the sort of thing teenagers can be bothered with really. Being a child at heart, I yearned to hang on to every bit of my childhood for as long as possible; didn't want to let any of it go, including the Christmas play. I couldn't very well perform it on my own though, so I decided to explore festive songwriting instead. I remember having written one Christmas song, recording the piano part on my Alba twin cassette recorder, and proudly bringing it into the lounge, so I could sing along to it. Bit scary this time, just on my own. No sisters to hide behind, just an audience of adults and my curious sisters gawping at me. My first solo gig! Luckily parents and grandparents are the best audience. Cheers galore! 🥰

Performing at Christmas is priceless. You really feel like you've earned the magic of Christmas, but in reality, by performing, you've conjured up the magic of Christmas.

So for anyone performing over Christmas this year, have a great one, and break a leg! 🎄🦵